Notes from Jan

Broken Crayons

November 21, 2015

It’s been a year since those final dates were added and notarized to balance this world’s bookkeeping on the life of R. Judson Carlberg.

October 1, 1940-November 20, 2014

We each end up with but a few numbers  and a small dash representing the time of our lives.  If we allow it, hopelessness and helplessness, fear and worry can snatch the good from each good morning and good night and all the goods in between. It helps me to remember  that Jud’s story continues, only a chapter ended.

This “learning to be content” that Paul talks about in Philippians 4 remains a daily discipline of mind and heart for me. Is it ever, I have learned? I think it’s active and ongoing…learning. Life long learning.

Abraham Lincoln said,”The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.” That’s the safest place for me to stay…this day, this moment.

.In my recent travels by car, I passed an exit in Pennsylvania  that would’ve led me to  the home of Crayola.  It was tempting to shunpike and find the factory. I still love coloring. A new set of crayons, markers, colored pens or pencils can pretty up my to-do list and make me feel like tackling the impossible.  Or keep me doodling, delaying happily. Recently I read somewhere,”broken crayons can still  color.”

As I reflect on this past year without Jud, I’m surprised that it’s been a year. The NET still holds and courage to keep on comes  from unexpected places, like flowers from Ross and friends today or  words printed on the small calendar  for November on my bedside table, “Every thing is going to be ok.”

As God’s child, I know that’s God’s truth.  All will be well, so sleep well.  I dare say a Good night and wake up to a Good morning by faith.

So to you who ask,”How are you doing?”  My heart is full of gratitude, but it’s also broken, so lonesome for Jud. I’m kind of like a broken crayon not what I was with Jud but learning each day that “broken crayons can still color.”






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  • Reply Mary ; Marshall November 21, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Our hearts, thoughts and prayers are with you today, Jan. A whole year has passed without Jud. A year of tears, sorrow and loss but thanks to our living hope in Jesus…small glimpses of grace and joy. May Jesus wrap His arms of love around you today…we wish those arms were ours. We both send much love!

  • Reply Dale November 21, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    Thanks for the encouraging words. It is somewhat embarrassing to confess, but my favorite thing with crayons was to insert them in my nose! I remember my days with Jud a year ago and they bring still bring joy.

    Color on sister!


  • Reply Wendy Lane November 21, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    Broken crayons can still color. I love that! Praying for you dear Jan. Love you!

  • Reply Dede Petre November 22, 2015 at 1:34 am

    Your crayons definitely color this world beautifully! And yes, it has been a hard year and we all do share your sadness. Jud would be proud of your courage, realness, tenderness and love for him and your family. Keep coloring our world Jan, we love it!

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