Notes from Jan

For Better or for Worse

May 31, 2017


Easily made, hard kept.

Awoke this morning thinking about marriage.  Ours.  Today would’ve been our 54th.  We made it to 51 plus.  Couldn’t hurdle over “in sickness and in health” or “til death do us part.”

Wonder what Jud’s doing today?

After dropping off the Grands at school, I stopped back at their house to walk Cozy, their puppy.  The song,”What I did for Love” came to mind. Afterwards, I went to the BMW center to honor Jud by  “working out.” I use the term loosely since most of me already is.

Back home, I made lunch, then took it into the Snuggery to watch a PBS concert with Josh Groban, soon tearing up with women throughout the audience.   Who could remain dry-eyed at hearing Bring Him Home from Les Mis and  Phantom’s  All I Ask of You.

Lunch with a good cry.

A truly Good cry came when I finished reading The Last Battle, for our book group. We’ve been reading The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. Good to’ve grown young enough for what some call fairytales.

The final chapter bids us go” further up and further in.”  I took comfort burying my face in Aslan’s mane, curling up safe as Cozy earlier today. Then came the Good tears, imagining Jud and others who’ve made it Home ahead of me,  living like never before. Does it not feed hope, fuel imagination reading the last sentence of this book?

Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

Only God could take”for better or for worse”  and make the Best of it.




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  • Reply Mark Taylor May 31, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    Happy anniversary, Jan. I know it feels a bit one-sided without your lifelong partner, but you have all of those 51 years of joint ministry to look back on with appreciation. What a blessing for you. And I hope you recognize that you and Jud have been a blessing to untold thousands of others. Thank you!

  • Reply Rita Dove May 31, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Love and hugs to you, Jan! Been overtaken by my daily cries again, as I remember May to August 2014. Thank you for sharing the last sentence in that book. It pushes me to imagine our loved ones’ overflowing joy, (and just maybe I am a little less sad for me)—and our sure reunion. ❤️ Only God…

  • Reply Maggie May 31, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    Jan, I appreciate your posts more than I can easily describe. Even at the cost of exposing your personal pain at Jud’s loss, you still pour yourself out for the encouragement of others. You have the gift of saying a great deal in a very few words. You teach me still.

  • Reply Madeline May 31, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    amen May our Godcomfort you

  • Reply Niffy May 31, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    Sorry for the hard days without Jud. He was such a wonderful man. It is very hard to imagine my life without my wonderful husband , who I hope you will meet someday. My heart aches for you. On a positive note you made me smile when I read that you were reading the Chronicles of Narnia again. You and Heather introduced me to the series and it’s my favorite all time children’s series. I’ve read them to my kids. Thank you for passing on the reading tradition that I hope continues for generations to come!

  • Reply Helen Demsko June 1, 2017 at 12:41 am

    All I can send is “Hugs”

  • Reply Phil Eaton June 1, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Oh my, Jan, this is beautiful. What a blessing you are to so many of us. You give us hope through the tears, peace through the struggles. You turn us to God through all the confusion and loss. Oh what a blessing. Thank you.

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