Notes from Jan

A Heart to Heart Talk

May 9, 2019

Mary, I’ve been wondering.

Before word reached you about Jesus being alive, your Jesus, but never just yours, had you stopped weeping and started expecting good to happen, again? Did shards of words, dug up from ancient prophecies and psalms, dapple your sleep with hope?

Then, when you saw him, you had to have seen him early on, were you on your knees, wiping up some mess when you noticed two sandaled feet? I can imagine you tenderly touching, then kissing those puncture wounds on his feet. Did it seem, as it has for me with my children, only yesterday when you gave birth, cradled and counted tiny toes?

Tough and tender Jesus, your Jesus, but also the world’s Savior and yours, must’ve lifted you quickly and gently to your feet , cupping your face with nail-scarred hands, kissing the top of your head, whispering, “Mama.” Words from lips who’d cried but a few days ago, “It is finished!” And it was but not how most thought.

You, the Mother of Jesus, knew him as only a mother knows her child. You’d kissed his scraped knees as he toddled about, learning to walk. Later you’d heard he’d walked on water. Did you shake you head, smiling as you added another first in his no-longer- baby book.

How’d you feel when Jesus transformed jugs of water into the best wine? Every now and then, we moms love it when we get to show off our kids and what they can do. Was this when you knew he was more than your son or had you never stopped believing since Gabriel’s words came to you, and months later, after a parade of unlikely visitors showed up to see the baby born in Bethlehem’s One Star stable?

Then there was the fact, wherever Jesus went, something out of the ordinary happened: hungry fed, sick healed, blind eyes and deaf ears opened. Best of all, sins forgiven and folks getting another chance at real life.

Mary, what was his first word?

Was it, “Mama?”

Some die peacefully in their sleep. Not so, your Son. Cruel, agonizing, heart wrenching death, sipping just enough breath for a few last words to his Father, for it was into his Papa’s hands he placed his obedient spirit.

So maybe, somehow, you did sleep Friday and Saturday nights, Mary, waking now and then, hope buzzing inside like some sacred alarm clock. Mothers sense things others miss.

And now you know, Mary.

You weren’t crazy to believe, to hope, to sing in the darkest of times.

“My Soul praises the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…for the Mighty One has done great things for me–holy is his name.” (Luke 1:46-49 NIV)

Happy Mother’s Day.

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  • Reply Shelly May 9, 2019 at 11:48 am


  • Reply Radina Welton May 9, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    Deeply reaches this mother’s heart. Thank you, Jan, and have a Mother’s Day full of hope!

  • Reply Rebekah May 9, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    As always, you’ve produced a moving and spiritually rich piece of work. Thank you.

  • Reply Valerie McCoy May 9, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    Thank you dear Jan for illuminating the heart of Jesus’ momma. Sometimes I think I am the only person who ponders these ‘momma’ things when I stay up late, sit in the darkness, and try to visualize this precious Mary as she trembles at the crucifixion. And then I try to recollect another mother’s anguish and joy…..
    the Prodigal Son’s momma. I always read about the heartbreak of the father, but where was the mother in this painful goodbye to her son, and then the joyful reunion? After her son walked away from their home did she bury her face into his pillow, weeping openly to God? And then did she bake his favorite treats when her husband screamed that their lost boy was found? Perhaps her most blessed Mothers Day..
    Oh how I would love for you to weave your poetic words, Jan, by re-telling this story with your holy interpretation.
    May this Mother’s Day bring you many recollections of being loved as Momma Carlberg. You are dearly loved.

  • Reply Darlene Gibson May 9, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    Beautiful words, Jan. Happy Mothers’ Day to you!

  • Reply Lynda C Wheatley May 9, 2019 at 4:39 pm

    Such a beautiful expression of words with a Mother’s view. It is spiritually powerful and very moving. Thank you so much.


  • Reply Peggy May 9, 2019 at 9:30 pm

    Oh Jan, this is deeply soul touching. Thank you for so tenderly capturing the mother’s heart of Mary.

  • Reply wendy May 10, 2019 at 4:23 pm

    Ditto to what everyone has said.
    Happy Mother’s day to you dear Jan!
    I saw this on a card and thought it so very true:
    Mom – Is a pretty small word for the biggest job in the history of ever.

  • Reply Dale May 15, 2019 at 2:10 pm

    From the heart of God to the heart of a mother. Thanks for moving these thoughts from your heart to ours.

    Blessings, Dale

  • Reply Jeannene Webster May 23, 2019 at 2:52 pm

    I can’t read your words without coming away with a whole lot to ponder.

    When the Angel told Mary she was going to bear Jesus, she “pondered these things in her heart,” which showed a depth of faith and quiet belief. I would have been probably jumping up and down, yelling which is exactly why I’d have never been chosen. But Mary? She had the gift of peaceful acceptance of God’s will.

    Even when I am sure her heart broke… <3

    As always, thank you.

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