'Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow.' A Note From Jan. Jud's Journal Entry Forty.
Lily said, “Come, Momo. You need to see this. The sunset’s so beautiful.” I dried my hands and walked out to the front steps. Orange, blue streaked across the November sky. Wheaton colors. The school where Jud and I met 56 years ago. He, from Fall River, Ma. I, from Greensboro, NC. It never should’ve worked but it did. So well. So long. Just not long enough.
Today began the trickle down. Left the house at 6:30 a.m. to drive Heather, Luke and Basil to Logan. Flying home to California. Lily stayed.
Stopped at Market Basket on the way home to pick up a few necessities. Luxuries come by NET. Scooped up goodness, edible, nourishing. Thank you providers of more than food.
I love Market Basket. Good folks serve and good folks shop there. So why cry? Pushing that basket on wheels, hanging on, shuffling… Practicing old age. Jud showed up in the aisles. Health and beauty: shaving cream. His. Baking goods: mincemeat. Jud loved mincemeat pie with hard sauce. Produce: red cabbage. Made it every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Paper products: Kleenex. Puffs with lotion. Hospital Kleenex too rough for all the sores he bore. Hurry up. Get out of Market Basket before they haul you away like some crazy lady.
Last night, Luke, Basil and I cuddled together at bed time. We sang lullabies, Sunday School songs and Silent Night. We “need a little Christmas. Right this very minute. Candles in the window. Carols at the spinet.” Then we talked about angels, guardian angels. Needed to.
Sunday David Willis died. He was their other grandfather. Matt’s dad. We’d long expected it, but that didn’t make it easy. Especially with Jud’s death 4 days earlier. So much sadness in our family. Heart aches. Matters of life and death.
So about guardian angels. Luke and Basil decided that Popo would use his fishing pole to catch bad guys, reel ‘em in and keep us safe. Sort of a Catch and NEVER release fisherman SuperHero. Grandpa David would throw books at them. Dr. David Willis, professor for many years at Princeton Seminary. Books, his specialty. Reading, teaching, and writing them. And, now, Super Book Tossing Hero.
Chad, Kristina, Maggie and Kate joined Lily and me for supper and a sleepover tonight. Ate leftovers… . . Stewardship… . Felt Jud nudge. Tender times. The girls and I curled up and watched ANNIE. “The sun‘ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun.”
Or snow. That’s life in New England. And life matters with or without sun. Ask Sherri, Rita, Russ, Alice, Jim, Herman, Bert, David, Suzy, Annie, Matt, Liz, Catherine, Lorna, Carl and a never ending list of the sorrowing. Until one day. THAT SUNDAY when God and His only SON shout, “Enough!” And whatever colors the sky’s streaked with won’t hold a candle to the Light exploding across the heavens and we who remain, the ragtag, broken hearted, struggling, longing ones, redeemed by Christ Our names written in that book in indelible blood-red ink We’ll take off for our real home. No more tears in the aisles of Market Basket. No more hoping the sun’ll come out.
The Son will come. Bet your life on it.
34 Comments
Oh my, how many times have I wondered if someone seeing me in a grocery store, or that glanced over in my car while I was weeping was going to call 911 to come take me off to a padded room?! Thank you for remembering me in the list of the sorrowing, and for your wonderful visit and prayer for me today. Jesus showed up in you and confirmed the truths you have written here.
Praying for you and your family every day,
Much love,
Rita
For me it was dad's favorite granola. Tears were streaming down my face in the cereal aisle. Those moments have slowed down but still pop up and surprise me occasionally. Wish I coul push your cart for you, just walk with you. I'm praying for your heart.
Yes, Jesus will come and heal our brokenness!
Dear Jan:
Did I ever tell you and Jud about the time--about a month after Denise went to the Lord--when I was food shopping in a Stop & Shop. I stumbled upon an aisle that sold the cut fruit that Denise loved to eat. Upon seeing the packages of cut fruit, I suddenly could no longer shop. I practically ran out of the supermarket to my car where I wailed in grief. Yes, I have an idea what you are going through. I do not understand grief and how it is that it wells up so powerfully from the depths of one's being. Why must it explode in my heart at the most inappropriate times and for no apparent reason at all! What I do know is that the grief--so overwhelming--drove me to embrace the promise of our Lord's presence and love all the more. It was all I had to hold onto. I began to understand the Psalmist who wrote that the Lord is his portion.
My heart and my prayers go with you, my dear friend. I know that you have a very close walk with the Lord. I have doubt that He will continue to draw even closer to you.
"The great secret of death, and perhaps its deepest connection with us, is this: that, in taking from us a being we have loved and venerated, death does not wound us without, at the same time, lifting us toward a more perfect understanding of this being and of ourselves."
Letter to Countess Margot Sizzo-Noris-Crouty
January 23, 1924
Your journal entries should be published in book form with a title similar to: Surrounded By Love - Lessons in Living Well and Dying Well.
On this Thanksgiving day, we are thankful for the way you have shared your heart.
Jay & Barb
Hi Jan, I pray that God will be a very present help and Comforter for you and your family at this difficult time. We praise and thank God for the gift of Jud and other loved ones, even though their time with us is temporarily suspended until we have eternity together. Memories can tip us into tears at any time but the tears are confirmation that you loved and were loved. The sun is out today and the Son is in our hearts. Thank you for sharing the precious thoughts of your little ones.
Carol
"His love endures forever." Psalm 118
Weeping with you, praying for you, loving you lots.
Thanks Jan for your amazing reflections and inspirational insights...God has gifted you in this regard and it's helping all who read them to process, pray, and release. Grief...good grief anyway...looks a lot like what you're sharing...and we say thanks.
Blessings, Steve and Ruthie
Dear Jan, Thank you for the realism of your courage. Your tears, yes, and a heart that is breaking. But the will to move on, with precious memories to enjoy and to sustain you, and God's gift of each moment. Just the way Jud would have wanted it. Your sharing from the heart means so much to us.
We love you! David and Joyce
Life between the times...between "time remembered" and when "time will be no more". I have a David Willis book (on Calvin)--surprise, surprise!
Dear dear Jan,
I ache for you & with you at the loss of your dear Jud.
Thank you for sharing this sad journey with us through your beautifully written journal entries...it is heart breaking but helpful to hear your thoughts during this devastating time.
You are loved, dear friend!
Sharon
Ja, you are helping so many people with your writings and the sharing of you heart. Thankful for the cuddle times with your grandchildren and that you were there to help them through the death of Grandpa David. I wa able to be with my dear brother David and precious wife Annie just 3 weeks ago-- a caring and loving time! I love the image of his tossing beloved books-- they would work better than his paintings and drawings! Special love to you and Lily! Ellie, David's Sister
A beautiful sunset indeed! Vivid pinks and blues exploding in the sky! Another Lily, our Lily, came bursting with joy into the kitchen, where I was preparing dinner for them, shouting to me to look at the sunset. Thank you God!
And thank you, dear Jan, for sharing your heart and soul with us. You are a blessing and a gift for whom we're very thankful. You bring peace and hope to the hundreds who mourn with you. Thank you, dearest Jan, and may God's peace and love enfold you today, tomorrow, and always.
Love, love,
Lillian and Bill
Oh Jan, I too know the tears that can flow at Market Basket --- memories around every corner and down the aisles. Funny how God can show up almost anyplace -- grocery stores, sunsets, those we love and cherish so deeply that it seems impossible for life to go on without them. T
his morning I was drawn by the Holy spirit to read Isaiah 54 and the Lord spoke to me through verse 10: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you." Your steadfast mountain in Jud has temporarily been removed and I weep with you on that loss. BUT, I know that God's unfailing love, covenant of peace, and His compassion will never be removed. In that truth I lift you up in prayer this morning. With great love.
Dear Jan,
Judy and I lift you up. Your lovely commentary on a painful time illustrates powerfully the Rock on which you are anchored.
Grace and shalom,
Bill
Thinking of you jan!!
My mom made suet pudding every Thanksgiving and Christmas. She would bake it in this ancient metal pot with a lid which she would at inside another pot with water...kind of like a double boiler. She would serve it steaming hot and would dollup a scoop of hard sauce then homemade whipped cream. The hard sauce was truly the best part. Must be our Swedish/Norwegian heritage. Thanks for sharing that memory and bringing one to my mind. Tears in the grocery store are good - I will tell you a story about Paul Newman and tears in the grocery store when we are together! Hugs flying your way my Jan!
Beautiful, Jan. Hugs.
Precious
You give sure hope to all of us. Your life is an wonderful example of Thanksgiving!
Dear dear Jan,
I ache for you & with you at the loss of your dear Jud.
Thank you for sharing this sad journey with us through your beautifully written journal entries...it is heart breaking but helpful to hear your thoughts during this devastating time.
You are loved, dear friend!
Sharon
Ja, you are helping so many people with your writings and the sharing of you heart. Thankful for the cuddle times with your grandchildren and that you were there to help them through the death of Grandpa David. I wa able to be with my dear brother David and precious wife Annie just 3 weeks ago-- a caring and loving time! I love the image of his tossing beloved books-- they would work better than his paintings and drawings! Special love to you and Lily! Ellie, David's Sister
A beautiful sunset indeed! Vivid pinks and blues exploding in the sky! Another Lily, our Lily, came bursting with joy into the kitchen, where I was preparing dinner for them, shouting to me to look at the sunset. Thank you God!
And thank you, dear Jan, for sharing your heart and soul with us. You are a blessing and a gift for whom we're very thankful. You bring peace and hope to the hundreds who mourn with you. Thank you, dearest Jan, and may God's peace and love enfold you today, tomorrow, and always.
Love, love,
Lillian and Bill
Oh Jan, I too know the tears that can flow at Market Basket --- memories around every corner and down the aisles. Funny how God can show up almost anyplace -- grocery stores, sunsets, those we love and cherish so deeply that it seems impossible for life to go on without them. T
his morning I was drawn by the Holy spirit to read Isaiah 54 and the Lord spoke to me through verse 10: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you." Your steadfast mountain in Jud has temporarily been removed and I weep with you on that loss. BUT, I know that God's unfailing love, covenant of peace, and His compassion will never be removed. In that truth I lift you up in prayer this morning. With great love.
Dear Jan,
Judy and I lift you up. Your lovely commentary on a painful time illustrates powerfully the Rock on which you are anchored.
Grace and shalom,
Bill
Thinking of you jan!!
My mom made suet pudding every Thanksgiving and Christmas. She would bake it in this ancient metal pot with a lid which she would at inside another pot with water...kind of like a double boiler. She would serve it steaming hot and would dollup a scoop of hard sauce then homemade whipped cream. The hard sauce was truly the best part. Must be our Swedish/Norwegian heritage. Thanks for sharing that memory and bringing one to my mind. Tears in the grocery store are good - I will tell you a story about Paul Newman and tears in the grocery store when we are together! Hugs flying your way my Jan!
Beautiful, Jan. Hugs.
Precious
You give sure hope to all of us. Your life is an wonderful example of Thanksgiving!
Jan:
Another excellent and moving journal entry. I hope that you will give consideration to publishing the forty(so far!!) entries in some form. They are too precious to be lost in cyberspace. Tell Kate and Maggie that I miss them at the 9:00 a.m. and give them a big hug from Grandpa Randy. You are in our prayers and thoughts.
Jan, that sunset! At Gordon yesterday, one of us called the others out of their offices and away from their screens and we gathered at the window, watching the colors bloom over Coy Pond.
Jan:
Another excellent and moving journal entry. I hope that you will give consideration to publishing the forty(so far!!) entries in some form. They are too precious to be lost in cyberspace. Tell Kate and Maggie that I miss them at the 9:00 a.m. and give them a big hug from Grandpa Randy. You are in our prayers and thoughts.
Jan, that sunset! At Gordon yesterday, one of us called the others out of their offices and away from their screens and we gathered at the window, watching the colors bloom over Coy Pond.