68 posts
Well, the World Cup's a done deal, until 2030. In four years, FIFA will celebrate 100 years of bringing players and people together for the love of country and soccer. I hope I'm still around to watch the USA and Norway move up. Maybe play…
It's been one of those months. Actually, it's been more like six weeks. Strange stuff happening in my body, like chills, dizzy spells. So, I ended up in the hospital for few days of testing. No strokes. But still some puzzles. But I left the…
Sometimes it feels good to SCREAM, to let off steam. But it rarely affects change. Well, life's gotten too full of scream, steam and mean memes. There's a lot of anger in and around us. We SHOUT in families, churches, sometimes through road rage. But,…
Two days ago we remembered mothers, ours and others. It's good to remember but not always easy. We're a hodgepodge of memories and mixed emotions. We're like a bookshelf laden with words, bound by time and memories. Stacks of words, some better left unsaid or…
Like many of you, I'm deeply troubled by decisions being handed down from the top few in our government. These acts of meanspiritedness, under the guise of making American richer and cutting government costs, ruffle more than feathers. They represent fundamental shifts in how the…
Well, here we are! "Tis the seventh day of this new year. Holy help! But remember, Here be God! We're not alone. Just this morning I read in the Petersens' One Year Book of Psalms the following: "The little word my appears nearly 450 times…
On this day, May 31, 1963, Jud and I said, "I do." in the chapel of the First Baptist Church in Greensboro, North Carolina. But not just to each other. We vowed before God, family and friends. No crossed fingers. We meant it. Vows matter.…
Actually, I don't want to face it. Which, in this case, is me. Well, I don't mean to sound grim, like it's over and turn maudlin. There's enough of that going around. It's just that, for now, I'm avoiding all mirrors. Well, to clarify, the…
Lots of crying around the world, especially in Gaza and Israel. And in my car, when I pray. Well, not wanting to arrive red-eyed when I picked up my Grandgirl Maggie and her friends Saturday morning, I slid in a CD . Music often lifts…
A few maple leaves fluttered past. Signs of the season. School's in session and yellow busses rule the roads. Still no brisk feel in the air. HOT and HUMID remains the forecast. And while Labor Day marks the unofficial end to summer, Good Harbor beach…
It happened at Target. As I left the restroom, I turned to walk down the hallway that emptied into the store. I spotted an old man, bent in half, facing the other way, hands on knees. I was about to ask if he was okay,…
Who cries over a cinnamon donut? I did this morning. Sobbed with a mug of coffee in one hand and a donut in the other. Taste and memory connected and I was nine again in DeKalb, Illinois. As the eldest of three, I received extra…
Yesterday was Marathon Monday and the tenth anniversary of the 2013 Marathon Bombing. While I never ran a marathon, I love this event and stories connected with it. However, there's nothing quite like being there, cheering, like we did for our friend, Pat McCary, a…
Tax time reminds me of Mama. Daddy was the one with the business head. But after he died Mama took on the taxes. She kept a shoe box with receipts and information she felt might be helpful. Because she was a writer, received royalties and…
Let me explain. The title comes from a reflection by the Petersens in their One Year Book of Psalms. The entry for November 16th focused on Psalm 139:7-12, which is one of my favorite psalms. " I can never escape from your spirit. I can…
She did it again! We weren't in the car two minutes when Poco asked me about what songs to sing at my funeral. I gripped the wheel, bit my tongue, then said, "How about, 'Over the Rainbow?'" I know I've written about this before but…
It's not been a quiet week. On Sunday Lily graduated from Brown. Monday we gathered with friends and family for a Memorial Day cookout at Kris and Mike Reid's. Yesterday family flew back to California. While they flew home and Lily resumed packing up her…
That's what Spring does for me, leaves me standing on tiptoe, not wanting to miss moments or vistas. I love watching the greening and flowering of the earth, enjoying more daylight, less darkness. Seasons of life matter. All of them. In nature and in our…
He stood on a Gloucester street corner playing a flute. Odd sight except for a tip bucket at his feet. I rolled down my windows to catch the sound of someone doing what they could with what they had. The talent wasn't worthy of a…
It's been almost a month since Jud and I took a drive. No, really. May 31st would've been our 57th wedding anniversary, but who's counting? Me! Since Jud left for heaven more than five years ago, you might need an explanation. It was Sunday afternoon…
It's quiet around here, on this Memorial Day. No parades. It's cool and misty, so no beach traffic. Unless I crank up the music, zoom or answer the phone, the day will settle into silence, sometimes too deep for comfort. Now and then, a seagull…
We've all lost something during these prolonged time outs. But what have we found? I found a journal in a stack of books, words written from May to September 2014, the year I lost Jud in November. It remained unopened for several days. Enough trauma…
The headline caught my eye in today's Obituary section of the Boston Globe: "Raymond Poulidor, beloved runner-up cyclist." Beloved Runner-Up? We love winners. Once the confetti's swept up, red carpet put away, banners taken down, few remember who came in second or won Miss Congeniality.…
The statue rests at the confluence of three rivers in Pittsburgh. The sculpture's of a kind and gentle man, neither a saint, as usually defined, nor a war hero, just a good man. We know him as Mr. Rogers, who for decades through PBS, invited…
My weeks in California were bookended by two funerals, one for Dr. Richard Gross, much loved former President of Gordon College and mentor to many, including Jud and me. Then, three days ago a service for, Dr. Ken Swetland, administrator and beloved professor from Gordon-Conwell…
Still find myself looking at cards for husbands and lovers. Good I found both in the same man. No need to buy two, or any for that matter, now that Jud's gone Home. Jud never was that into Hallmark cards, but he was into us.…
I love pizza. True, there are healthier things to eat or, I suppose, you could eat just one slice with a generous serving of kale on the side. My love affair goes back to a hole-in-the-wall place called, Freddie's, in the town of Wheaton, Illinois.…
As a baseball fan, I love quick outs, but only when the other team's at bat. Yesterday, thousands of people along the coasts of the Carolinas were making quick outs of a more consequential kind. Like my brother and sister-in-love, they had to get out…
Just a little bit. Who doesn't want it, this elusive thing called respect. Amazon doesn't stock it. Our president doesn't deserve it. It's earned. Last week, we witnessed funerals for Senator McCain and Aretha Franklin, Queen of Soul. Two powerful reminders of the impact of…
The leg with new knee, swollen with angry red ankle cried, "not normal" to Scott at PT, so on his word, plus my concerns, I headed to the doctor two days ago. After a series of delays and lunch with friends to celebrate Dick's birthday,…
After determining my face no longer looked like I'd developed a bad case of acne or contracted a highly contagious disease, I headed to church yesterday. Egg pox healed nicely. Church is my ark, a safe place in life's storms. One of my friends talks…
Sometimes Easter falls in April, the Boston Marathon always, as it did 4 days ago in freezing rain with punishing winds. Among the runners were a group of nurses(Caring for a Cure from MGH), including Ashley, one of Jud's nurses. They run for their patients…
Just checking in to thank you for your prayers and caring hearts. I am siting on the side of a hospital bed(not swinging my legs, however) with the computer on the bedside tray table. My gown's open in the back, not by my choosing. After…
Father Gray sent an email yesterday, reminding us to move our clocks ahead an hour to welcome Daylight Savings Time. I suspect some will attend the later service tomorrow. Me,too. Not due to sleeping in but because I agreed to be Exhibit A in back…
It's one thing getting chased by an ambulance, another by a hearse. My Prius was flying at 60mph, when the hearse passed, lace curtains swaying. What's the hurry? Somebody rise up, demanding a quicker route? Some Scrooge, get a second chance? Was the person, along…
Life skips along in" Summertime, when the livin' is easy" , then tends to take cover, question in the dark of winter. Summer and winter show up when I read underlined passages in The Message. Saint Paul's words, Jud's name with dates in the margin…
My cousin, Judy, and I share a love of baseball. Judy loves the St. Louis Cardinals and I, the Boston Red Sox. We're both the eldest with two younger brothers.( Judy, Paul, Steve and Jan, Dan, Ralph) Judy married Jim, a judge and I, a…
This morning I read a passage underlined on the day Jud underwent spleen surgery at MGH in 2014. " God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing…
Multi-tasking while driving Maggie and Kate to school, I prayed quietly as they designed imaginary houses from their backseat studio. Double-duty ceased when I overheard, "glass doors like Momo's." Lest I come off as an exhibitionist, Kate alluded to sliding glass doors on our tub/shower.…
Small victories. We all have some, though easy to miss when looking large. Someday I hope to really meet Anne Lamott, unlike when we met in a California parking lot at Safeway and, stunned by celebrity, I blurted out all the wrong things, while Anne…
Sitting by a warming fire, reflecting on a year almost drained of all but hours. The family's skiing, while I enjoy the quiet of the B&B where we've cozied ourselves in the Berkshires. . Let it snow. And it has. Jud would've been off skiing…
Back in elementary school to vote last Tuesday. Veterans' Memorial Elementary School, my polling place in Gloucester. The PTA's usual bake-sale table reminded me that the land of the free, includes gluten free and sugar free. On the way out, I noticed the school's mission,…
Come. Come back to the table. Lets talk. Leftover hopes. Leftover people. There's much left to be talked through, wept over, listened to, cared about. Not false starts at communication through social media or anonymous letters. Face to face, looking into the eyes of ones…
It's today. He would've been 76 which seems old to the young, young to the old. Wonder what he's doing? Probably, fishing. Me, too. Fishing for glimpses into life after this one ends, not so curious I want to leave today. Thinking odd thoughts like,…
Flew West for Ruth Nelson's memorial service, family friend, especially close to my parents. Never easy to understand why some people suffer so at the end of life, especially good folks. Memorial services help, allowing remembering, appreciating, poignantly resurrecting a life through still and moving…
Hot! Not the first time, I've broken out in a summertime sweat in church. This is New England, where most houses and churches aren't air conditioned. We endure long cold winters, so look forward to summertime warmth, but this summer's sizzled like burgers on a…
Today is Father's Day, a day when some men find themselves grilling or trying to look pleased with one more tie. Some wish they could've been dads, others want another chance to do better. Jud was not a sentimental person. He married one, which sometimes…
Past bedtime. Basil's and mine. We'd already read a story and sung some songs, when Luke came into their shared room. "Momo, have I showed you where I keep some special things?" He turned to a small corner bookshelf, made by his great grandfather, Big…
Stayed on board today. Choosing to restore myself rather than revisit my Viking relative's past in Aalborg, Denmark. The city, 4th largest in Denmark, was founded by the Vikings in the late 900s. The day began with rain, then settled into the gift of a…
Some Sundays after Maggie and Kate've spent the night, we sing on our way to church, songs like, Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory. Today it came not so much as a camp wakeup call, but as the possible sound track for…
In a world of massive and unexplainable suffering, this bit of news seems "much ado about nothing." But I appreciate your concern for my shoulder, so here's an update, followed by some thoughts for the Lenten season. I'm grateful for your concern, your care. The…
Last Sunday's frigid air shocked more than folks venturing out to retrieve the morning newspaper. Caught between the ocean's warmer temperature and the arctic air shooting down from Canada, the surface of the sea shivered, misting the air. The usual boundaries of the Atlantic and…
Wore my hearing aids and headed for lunch and a lecture on Closet Downsizing and Organization, not at Gordon College but a nearby retirement complex, Brooksby Village ( a misnomer). Once inside, a quick look confirmed what I've known statistically, widows exceed widowers. No wonder…
Ate oatmeal for breakfast this morning. So why cry over oatmeal? It's not like it's spilled milk. Memories. Jud, the early riser, used to make it after we left Gordon. Suzy Young introduced us to Irish oatmeal, not Quaker Oats, the kind I grew up…
Yesterday's gone. All the yesterdays, blown away like feathers in the wind. All gone except for memory, sweet ones tenderly tucked away, the worst hidden in the mind's deepest crevices. Regrets. Before heading to the BMW, I stopped at the Gloucester Post Office to mail…
One year ago on January 17th, we gathered in the chapel at Gordon College to celebrate Jud's life. Unlike today, the weather was good. Chilly, but good. Many of you came to remember Jud. Thank you. It helped to huddle with friends and family at…
It's been a year since those final dates were added and notarized to balance this world's bookkeeping on the life of R. Judson Carlberg. October 1, 1940-November 20, 2014 We each end up with but a few numbers and a small dash representing the time…
Yesterday, I went for my annual check-up at the eye doctor. It's been 4 years. He asked,"Where've you been?" "Well, I've had a few things on my mind besides my eyes. Like Jud." He remembered. "That's right." Today I went for my annual mammogram. It's…
Awoke this morning to slivers of light, looking for escape routes through heavy clouds. Not unlike how I feel this day as I look back on the week and a life that was, the third week of November 2014. Patrick's sermon helped as he continued…
Well, I've new respect for truckers who traverse this great land, often while I sleep. After eighteen days on the road, I'm ready to settle for a spell. It was a grand adventure driving from New England to the Carolinas, sometimes spurning the most direct…
Yesterday I cried most of the way from here to York, Maine where Gail and I were meeting for lunch at Stonewall Kitchen. Too much memory. Remembering one year ago at MGH, wearing masks and gloves and wishing to touch Jud without stuff between us.…
Today's Jud's birthday. Would've been his 75th, the day he'd become my age! I tried it out in June. So far, so good. Last night, I sold his old Volvo. Not easy to let it go but easier when sold to Marshall, a family friend.…
The morning began with Part A of my annual physical: blood work and a quiz on my ability to recall certain words and spell others backwards. Two forms of bloodletting. Afterwards, I headed to Jim’s for a donut and coffee. Inexpensive therapy. Made sense to…
This time the mums at Shaw’s Market triggered a lump in my throat but, also, a smile on my face. One year ago today, September 17, MGH confirmed that Jud could come home. Home for a respite before going back for the stem cell transplant.…
Yesterday marked a day like no other: September 11, 2001. Our Bible study group gathered and talked of where we were and what we were doing when we first learned the dreadful news. Unless the mind goes, one remembers. Not long after the news broke…
It broke. My favorite coffee mug. Heather and Lily gave it to me a few months after Jud died. It served as a nudge to choose better because it says, "Choose Joy." They said, “It’s what we see you do,” though I don’t seem to…
Woke up with the sun warming my face, nudging me to toss off the sheet and carpe diem Even though Jud and I each memorized Psalm 118:24 in Sunday School -- “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be…
She introduced herself after I settled beside her in the pew at First Presbyterian church in Santa Barbara, California. Mourners at the service to honor David Winter, former President of Westmont College, Jud’s colleague and our friend. Three widows in a row, perched like birds…