Cloudy Inside. A Note From Jan.
Sunny outside. Cloudy inside. Felt slammed by loss today. It crept up on me as I worked on booking some vacation days with the family. Jud always at the hub of those plans.
Future feels blank sometimes Feels like I’m passably ok if I stay focused on today. Much beyond and I start to panic.
After awhile, I went to the piano. Fought the battle with a hymnal. “What have I to fear, What have I to dread, Leaning on the everlasting arms? I have blessed peace with my Lord so near Leaning on the everlasting arms.”
Well, I can’t say I was overwhelmed with “blessed peace” but panic fled when gratitude took a seat. Sort of a more spiritual twist on the song from White Christmas, “When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep and I fall asleep counting my blessings.”
Didn’t fall asleep but stayed upright enough to make mushroom soup for dinner and act civil at the table when I wanted to flee to the bedroom and crawl back in bed … for a year or two.
Basil wanted me to kiss him goodnight … which usually includes singing several songs with and to him. Tonight, he wanted to “sing songs from Popo’s service.”
“Like what?”
“How about Day by Day?”
I didn’t know he’d paid such close attention. Good reminder.
So we sang, Day by Day and Jesus Loves Me and “the one where that lady sings way high.”
“Give Me Jesus”? “Yup.”
Whew! Scared he wanted “Pie Jesu”!
So we sang, not like Alex, but with all the heart and soul we could muster.
The song goes, “You can have the whole world, but give me Jesus.” which Basil interrupted with, “Can you have the whole world?” He sounded slightly hopeful.
“Sorta.” I’ll sleep on that one. Breakfast with Basil’s about as far into the future as I can leap right now.
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"I love You, O lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. " Psalm 18:1-2
God is our everlasting strength. He is with you and has a good future for you. You are not alone in your journey!
We love youuuuuuuuu
Dearest Jan,
U think you should write a devotional titled:
"Breakfast with Basil"
Wisdom and wit, tender and truth and reminders of Jesus' great Love!
In my in-box this a.m.—for me, for sure. And I thought of you, Jan...Hugs!
"This is from Me," the Savior said,
As bending low He kissed my brow,
"For One who loves you thus has led.
Just rest in Me, be patient now,
Your Father knows you have need of this,
Though, why perhaps you cannot see--
Grieve not for things you've seemed to miss.
The thing I send is best for thee."
Then, looking through my tears, I plead,
"Dear Lord, forgive, I did not know,
It will not be hard since You do tread,
Each path before me here below."
And for my good this thing must be,
His grace sufficient for each test.
So still I'll sing, "Whatever be
God's way for me is always best."
From *Streams in the Desert*
((((Jan))))
Hugs to you from Jay & Barb
What a tangible, tender, honest reminder of why we need each other, Janny. And why the generations
need each other. "A child shall lead them" couldn't be better felt. Bless Basil, and bless you for
joining into the spirit of his way of cheering you both on. It's just plain hard stuff. Very hard stuff-
this cutting away of the heart. So give us Jesus... Love you.
Oh my ... when you least expect it, grief, loss, fear, panic can sneak up on you. A good reminder to me to guard my thoughts. I love the image of "gratitude taking a seat". Thank you, Jan, for being so "real" and for revealing "treasures of truth" along the way. A little ditty I heard once applies here ... "Fear came knocking on my door; Faith opened it and there was no one there." Love, Sue
Great that you are with family. A real blessing. Love to all. Aunt Ellie
I too don't dare to leap too far in future either, dear Sis; maybe for different reasons. But for whatever reasons, just give me Jesus. too.
Nothing more unpredictable than those sudden moments of inconsolable grieving!
I'd like that mushroom soup recipe! : )
Love and prayers,
Priscilla
Jan, I want you to know I am still reading all your posts. I try to write a comment each time and then just give up as I really cannot think of what to say that would be wise or insightful or helpful. Just know that I am reading, listening. It is hard for all of us to understand what it is to be Jan without Jud. As you journey through, we continue to wrap arms of prayer around you.
Praying for you!!
Just wrote in my journal about your journal.... so inspiring. So much wisdom. So raw, so deep, so beautiful, so uplifting.
"... panic fled when gratitude took a seat..."
God's Truth in real life examples.
Praying for you often dear Jan. Hugs!!
Jan, I want you to know I am still reading all your posts. I try to write a comment each time and then just give up as I really cannot think of what to say that would be wise or insightful or helpful. Just know that I am reading, listening. It is hard for all of us to understand what it is to be Jan without Jud. As you journey through, we continue to wrap arms of prayer around you.
Praying for you!!
Just wrote in my journal about your journal.... so inspiring. So much wisdom. So raw, so deep, so beautiful, so uplifting.
"... panic fled when gratitude took a seat..."
God's Truth in real life examples.
Praying for you often dear Jan. Hugs!!
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