Mama's Words and Ways

Yesterday was Mother's Day. A great day for Hallmark cards, florists, and restaurants, but not for all women, nor all mothers. But still, yesterday was a day I felt grateful to be a mother and to have been mothered, and grandmothered.

It's good to celebrate the good times and learn from the others. And phone calls, cards, Lillies from Lily, and brunch with Chad's family at the Ipswich Inn left me feeling more loved than lamenting ways I wish I'd handled some family challenges better. Some of which Chad reminded me. Or stuff I wish I'd ignored. You know like, "let it go." Everyhting's not worth a reaction. Growing old, like raising children and being married is all on-the job-training. it's a lifetime of learning, listening and growing. Or not.

Still, surprises happen. Good ones. Kids turn out better than their parents deserved, or teachers predicted. Marriages survive tough times, only to thrive in later years. Past mistakes get redeemed. Some, at least. And while "s... happens", so does grace, mercy and forgiveness. Oh, and second chances come along, if we don't blow up the bridges. Which, is one of the gifts of having Grands. It's like we practice on our kids and now we get to do better with our grandchildren. Woohoo!

And like me, I'm sure many of you have stories of women who never gave birth, but were like mothers to you. People like aunts, teachers, good neighbors and others. I thought of Mother Ali, our Bridge Priest and Mother Teresa, well-deserved winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. One doesn't need to give birth to mother and nurture others. Nor to be female. Now, don't be getting in some gender huff over that comment. Some men are better at nurturing, than some women.

But this blog is entitled, "Mama's Words and Ways." So where am I headed? Well, Saturday Gail Borgman stopped by with a gift of words. Mama's words came in a small packet of letters written to a woman I never met. Sheila is her name and she's in a Bible study group with Gail.

Well, apparently, Sheila learned through Gail that Margaret Jensen is my mother. So she loaned these letters and a photo of my Mother for me to get a peek into their relationship. I think Sheila and Mama connected when my Mama was speaking in New England or through one of her books.

For you who knew Mama, this was not unusual for her to correspond with folks she met along life's way. She had the gift of words, spoken and written, and lots of people, including prisoners, needed her words of encouragement or advice. So Mama wrote. And so, on Saturday, I found myself crying as I saw Mama's familiar handwriting, and read her encouraging words to Sheila. They spanned almost ten years. Holy pen pals! That's my Mama. You could not out talk or out write her. She wrote thank you notes for your thank you notes.

Well, apparently, not to be outdone by my Mama, the New York Times published contributions from some readers on the topic" The Wisdom of Our Mothers." So, here's some of the gleaned advice from NYTimes readers, good for men, women or children. The comments in parantheses are from me:

1. "Always make new mistakes."(Learn after the first time, don't be a repeat offender.)
2. "Why be like everybody else?" (I read this and thought, each of us is God's unique and beloved creation.)
3. "You never regret tipping too much."
4. "This too shall pass."
5. "The day starts the night before."(Growing up my clothes, books, etc. were laid out the night before. No running about the house hunting a misplaced shoe or class assignment.)
6. "There is no fail. You either win or you learn."
7. "You can't eat prestige." (all work matters.)
8. "Always be kinder than you feel.
9. "All people bring joy: some by coming, some by going!"(I had a version of that written on a decorative item in our guest bedroom at Gordon College and today, at my Perch. My intent was and is to provoke laughter or a smile. I remain hopeful.)
10. "The world is full of lifters and leaners. Make sure you're a lifter and stay away from the leaners."
11. "Nothing good happens after midnight."
12. "If you can't hide it, decorate it."
13. "Don't put your crazy on the front porch."
14. "Knock with your elbows.( Show up loaded with contributions for helping someone in need, or to add to the party.)
15. "Life begins outside your comfort zone."
16. "Nothing beats a failure but a try."
17. "You have to make your free throws."(This is not only about basketball. Be prepared to control what can be controlled in your life.)
18. "Never pass up an opportunity to pee." (This is not potty talk. It's about taking care of something when you have the chance to do so.)

Well, Mama had variations on some of the above, but most of hers needed no further explanation. Like these simple rules:

1. Say thank you, even for the usual, like this meal. Gratitude matters.
2. Be kind anyhow.
3. Watch your words. "Boys flying kites, haul in their white-winged birds. You can't do that when you're flying words."
4. Don't go to bed mad. Settle it and sleep better.
5. Clean your plate. Lots of people go to bed hungry, so don't be wasteful and take more than you can eat.
6. Make your bed. it helps you deal with other messes in the day, if you start with this little bit of order.
7. Work first, play later. It makes play all the better.
8. Do this that or the other, "Because I said so!"
9. Jesus sees and hears, even when I'm not around. (That should've made me afraid of Jesus. But I was more afraid of Mama!)
10. Finish what you start.
11. Go to bed. A good night's sleep will do you more good that staying up all night cramming for that test. If you don't know it by now, it's too late. Chad reminded me yesterday that this was ill-advised advice from me when he was growing up. He's probably right.

So, my dear family, friends and blog readers, on this day after Mother's Day, I'm grateful for whoever gave birth to you. And for all who nurtured and helped you grow along life's way. So, forgive your mother for making you take a nap, when you weren't tired. I only forgave mine, after I became a mother. Before then, it never occurred to me, that my nap time was really for her!

Well, this was a long blog. Maybe you hit pause and took a nap. Oh, and here's a tip for your young moms, which I read somewhere,"When my kids act up in public, I like to yell, 'Wait till I tell your mom!' Then I pretend they're not mine."

But they are. And that's why you need a nap.

Me, too.