Cute? Cute's So Overrated! A Note From Jan.

Basil and I sat at the long dining room table working on Valentines to bring to his preschool today. We’d debated cute versus rough and tough a few days ago at CVS. When I showed him a cute option, Basil shook his head and announced, “Nobody likes puppies!” Lily, smiling nearby and thinking she’d trapped him in his distortion, asked, “Bazy, how would you feel if I gave you a  real puppy?” “Horrible!,” he sais, while muffling giggles behind his chosen boxes of “Valentines” — Ninja Turtles and Spider Man.

So cute lost out. He’s Jud’s grandson. As I think of Valentine’s Day, I recall Jud mumbling more than once, “Hallmark thought this up!”

However, my sometimes Serious Swede never failed to say, write or do something to let me know (in his way), “I love you.” My role was to interpret. Early on in our marriage, my need for cute, sweet, creative, and Hallmark-like ROMANTIC knew no bounds. Jud, practical, prudent and trained by his Dad, felt (my operative word) no reason (his preferred word) to add to the coffers of a card shop. “You know I love you.” And I did but … you know.

Over fifty-one years, we learned to give what was needed and appreciated. That’s one value from the gift of time. If teachable, love’s nurtured in the daily-ness of life. Choices to do good, to be good … with some spontaneity tossed in. “No reason … just because I love you.”   Jud mastered love as verb: “Let me help with that, Jan.” Let me… …haul …empty …take out …lift …peel …vacuum …scrape …pay …drive and pick-up to name a few.

Still, it’s a smallish love if primarily task driven … like one never-ending errand or “honey-do” list. It’s to be or not to be more than to do or not to do. Creating space to be, to become. It’s love, over time, making us real like the Velveteen Rabbit.

While love that endures is more verb than vibe, when I get back home, I’m heading to a BIG box full of love letters and even some Hallmark cards from my Sweetish Valentine.

Amazing what happens when each learns to use and appreciate the gift of interpretation.

Cute’s so overrated. Just ask Basil.