Taxing Time. A Note From Jan.

Taxing time. Never did taxes before. My role was only to dig through my stuff to find receipts appropriate for deductions. Jud’s was to gather up his organized files and head to the accountant, once he’d corralled me.

As he prepared for his meeting with his accountant at Anthony and Dodge each year, way ahead of the national deadline, I’d begin my annual promise to repent and turn from my reckless ways. Jud would roll his eyes, slowly shake his head, then give me one of those long looks—the kind most marriages keep on hand for moments like these. I’d kick it up a notch and promise to learn his system of organization.  As a final resort, I’d throw my arms around him and give him a kiss to take his mind off mundane matters. Matters, which I’m learning the hard way, are not so mundane.

So many reminders that “opposites attract.” We were so different and yet so right. A team of differences. Best of all, we knew it while we were in it… at least once we got past the first few years of marriage when we each tried our best to change the other. (Hint to any of you who may be in the early stages of “wedded bliss”: This is a waste of time.) Give me opposites over same. Contrasts. Challenges.

I’ve met all kinds these past two weeks as I’ve spent hours with employees from Social Security, the Department of Motor Vehicles, Wells Fargo (Go, Brad!), Gloucester City Hall, TDBank, Anthony and Dodge and more. Best of all, over and over again, I’ve met kindness.  Helpful folks who went beyond the usual to help this first time widow woman.

Hardest part is the long wait on the phone.  But had a surprise a while back.  Got put on hold at Social Security and music began to play.  While I don’t usually like such music, at least it reminds me I haven’t been disconnected.  This time the recording played an orchestral arrangement of “Just As I Am.”  Not kidding, unless that melody is also part of some symphony.

Seemed so appropriate as I waited.  Hoping to be helped by someone who could handle my concerns.  A scared newbie who’d mustered the courage to begin a process “just as (she) was without one plea.” 

But, at the time, and still today, I take comfort in hearing that old hymn.  I choose to take it as a sign that God is aware of just who I am and just what I need.  You, too. 

Now, if I can just locate that fistful of receipts before I have to haul myself and Jud’s files down to Judith at  Anthony and Dodge. She’s used to working with Jud, not me. Heaven help her! And me! Don’t want to sully Jud’s reputation. He covered for me so well. So often. And chose to love me just as I was, in spite of my pleas and pitiful promises. Thank you, Jud.