Day +14 on Lunder 10: A Note from Jan. Jud's Journal Entry Twenty-one,
New day. New doctor. Same nurse. All good.
Sometimes I wonder how many of you were awakened to pray during the night. I slept on edge. So hard to leave Jud last night. Fernando Ortega’s song “Jesus King of Angels” spoke to my anxious heart. I prayed for God’s Spirit to send the song to Jud’s mind.
“Jesus King of angels, heaven’s light, Shine your face upon this house tonight. Let no evil come into my dreams; Light of heaven, keep me in Your peace.
Chorus The universe is vast beyond the stars, But You are mindful when the sparrow falls, And mindful of the anxious thoughts that find me, surround me, and bind me.
With all my heart I love You, Sovereign Lord. Tomorrow, let me love You even more. And rise to speak the goodness of Your name Until I close my eyes and sleep again.
Jesus, king of angels, heaven’s light, Hold my hand and keep me through this night.”
Back at MGH this morning, I sense a smile underneath Sarah’s mask. She whispers, “He’s finally asleep.” Sarah does more than tend to her nursing duties. She cares. RIsky on a floor like Lunder 10. The rise and fall of Jud’s chest and soft whiffling breaths reassure me he’s asleep. Blood seeps from his cracked lips, bruised warrior. He risks splitting them whenever he smiles. After awhile, Jud senses I’m there, raises his head, smiles and welcomes me. “Good morning, sweetheart. You’re back.” “Wouldn’t want to miss a day with you,” I chirp, hoping he senses my masked smile and joy at hearing sacrificial words. He risks to smile, to speak from burning throat, swollen tongue, distorted lips.
You who know him well, know that smile. First trait I noticed when I met him. We were 18. Kids.
Throughout this battle, punishing body and mind, neither Jud’s smile nor his gratitude took permanent leave, just rested in fog now and then. Wordless connections through smiles, nods of gratitude. Childhood training? Will? Spirit?
Sarah’s on day 3 of her rotation as Jud’s nurse. Young, kind and competent. She gently wipes his mouth, then tends his wounded leg where the recliner footrest flew back, ripping his shin open as he faced the chair. A big deal when you lack the white cells to fight infection and heal. The chair got written up by the nurse. Bad chair!!! It already stood in the corner.
Sarah brings liquid Tylenol for the pain in his mouth, throat, lips and more. No more morphine! Brain’s finding itself slowly.
She does her work with calm, grace, and, as she says, “just enough OCD.” Her days on Lunder 1032: cleaning up after diarrhea, wiping up the bathroom, setting up the bath for a shower, emptying urinals, changing the bed, scooping up dirty towels and laundry, bringing warm blankets for chills, toting cold water to sooth raging fires in throats, dispensing meds with careful explanations, changing bags of platelets, blood, chemo, checking lines for twists, or air that stops the flow and sets off beeping, answering calls and questions, and charting all that comes in, goes out and other important notations. Wordless connections. Most done with the bounce that comes with youth, but also with the patience and wisdom usually attributed to more experienced folks. I wonder how she does this? Does she know Jesus, King of angels, heaven’s light? He shines through the mundane and almost miraculous tendings of her day. So I pray for God to bless Sarah (with the long red hair).
Jud’s counts remained static today. Not the hoped for bump-up. The doctor on rotation thinks it will happen near the end of the week. Until those white counts get moving, Jud deals with pain in his throat, mouth, lips and more. He’s back to Tylenol plus some numbing mouth rinse, vaselined swabs, jello of various hues and some protein pudding. He gives it his best.
We took a walk around Lunder 10 today, accompanied by Sarah and the nursing assistant. “How tall are you?” asked the nursing assistant. Jud answered, “Six Three.” “Wow! That’s tall!” He seems even taller to me, in his hospital garb covering swollen legs & feet, tubes, scars and a bandaged shin. He holds his bald head high and, behind his mask, I’ll bet he’s smiling.
20 Comments
We love you dearly. We hold on to God's promise: "When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him." Is. 59:19
We pray to Yahweh Nissi, The Lord is my Banner, to hold high the banner of protection for Jud. Please protect every inch of him!! I pray with Chris that those white cells will prevail in the strength of the Lord.
You two personify Habakkuk 3: 17-19 and I pray this for you!
Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines.... Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength, he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
... in spite of swollen injured legs!
I love you both and am praying for you. Ralph
Dear Jud & Jan,
May God's grace be poured into your physical body by the power of the Holy Spirit working in the marrow and the cells of the body to bring healing and release from pain; to restore what is broken.
I will pray also for the doctors and nurses to sense the beauty and sureness of God's love as seen through both of you. Thank you for that love! And Jan I pray for God's spirit of rest and peace to fill you when you really need it.
God bless you both,
Beckie (& David is still praying)
Jan/Jud and family -- continuing to pray for you all and God's blessings on those white cells and medical staff - having just gone thru all that with my mother's cancer I realize how special those nurses are for daily caring - praying for them as well that all should see the "Glory of God" in the midst of this.
many blessings
Brad
Dearest Jan and Jud,
You are a blessing to us and such an example of a marriage truly one in Christ! We love you both and continue our prayers.
Love,
Dan and Andrea
Dear Jud,
Up in the nights praying for you. Praying for those white cells to get their marching orders straight and attack the infections. You are loved by us!
Dear Jud,
Throughout day and night, Linda and I pray for you and your dear Jan.
I am living your pain in my memories of those I cared for over the years.
I pray for your marrow, your mouth, your body, and your spirit. I pray for your healing to hurry up!
I love you and Jan.
Neil
LORD, please bump up Jud's white cell count, identifying some wonderful immuno-warriors! I pray the pain in throat, tongue, mouth and lips would disappear, and tissues would heal. Thank you, Sovereign God, for your Love and care.
Sharing your tears a bit today. May Jesus walk close with you through each hour, each step.
Jesus, king of angels, heaven’s light,
Hold their hands and keep them through this day and night. Amen.
Thank you again, Jan. "He giveth more grace" is a long-time favorite of ours, and such a breath of fresh air from some of the songs sung today, and in the past. We've learned more about grace in the past few years than in a lifetime, and are still scratching the surface.
Yes, I do awake in the night and I often pray for Jud. There are times when he is constantly in my heart and in my prayers, this wonderful and one of the oldest friends I have -- since I was 8 and he was 5. If he's able to listen, simply tell him we love him, and appreciate him. And we thank the Lord for his amazing wife (whose smile at age 18 was not bad either!).
Love, David and Joyce
I can't read this without tears rolling down my cheeks. Now I know why our church friend here has chosen to not have the ugly transplant Jud is daring to suffer through. And he, younger than you and newly retired, is comfortable though given only another month to live. Still we pray for him too, with hope. Both Tom and I have been ill at times but I know we have never suffered so much pain for so long as Jud. You both are our heroes. In these circumstances any little twitch can be interpreted as an amazing smile! Thanks for the beautiful song too. We all need songs in the night. luv, j
What a true fighter. God Bless Both of you and thank you Sarah and the rest of the Dr.s and staff. Keep up the good work. Not an easy job. Seems like she has a gift from God to do such a great job at her work. Sounds like she has great bedside manners for the patient and the people surrounding Jud to help them as well through this time. Thank you all for this comfort for us at home to know he has this care. God Bless
Nurses can be angels. I'm glad Jud has at least one like that. Priceless--far above rubies.
Jesus, king of angels, heaven’s light,
Hold their hands and keep them through this day and night. Amen.
Thank you again, Jan. "He giveth more grace" is a long-time favorite of ours, and such a breath of fresh air from some of the songs sung today, and in the past. We've learned more about grace in the past few years than in a lifetime, and are still scratching the surface.
Yes, I do awake in the night and I often pray for Jud. There are times when he is constantly in my heart and in my prayers, this wonderful and one of the oldest friends I have -- since I was 8 and he was 5. If he's able to listen, simply tell him we love him, and appreciate him. And we thank the Lord for his amazing wife (whose smile at age 18 was not bad either!).
Love, David and Joyce
I can't read this without tears rolling down my cheeks. Now I know why our church friend here has chosen to not have the ugly transplant Jud is daring to suffer through. And he, younger than you and newly retired, is comfortable though given only another month to live. Still we pray for him too, with hope. Both Tom and I have been ill at times but I know we have never suffered so much pain for so long as Jud. You both are our heroes. In these circumstances any little twitch can be interpreted as an amazing smile! Thanks for the beautiful song too. We all need songs in the night. luv, j
What a true fighter. God Bless Both of you and thank you Sarah and the rest of the Dr.s and staff. Keep up the good work. Not an easy job. Seems like she has a gift from God to do such a great job at her work. Sounds like she has great bedside manners for the patient and the people surrounding Jud to help them as well through this time. Thank you all for this comfort for us at home to know he has this care. God Bless
Nurses can be angels. I'm glad Jud has at least one like that. Priceless--far above rubies.