'It's Friday, but Sunday's Coming.' A Note From Jan. Jud's Journal Entry Thirty-eight.
November 21, 2014 “It’s Friday … .but Sunday’s Coming.” I always loved hearing Tony Campolo build and shout those words, “It’s Friday but Sunday’s Coming!”
But our friend Dale, visiting Jud and me at MGH two weeks ago, got me wondering when he said, “I wonder what happened on Saturday.” What took place between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday?
Seems to me a lot of life is Saturday. Somewhere in between the feelings of helplessness, disappointment and the devastation of Good Friday to the unimaginable Joy of Easter Sunday. Friday … . .Christ is dead. Saturday… Christ seems like a punctuation mark. Dash? Comma? Period? Question? Exclamation point? Sunday … . Christ’s alive!
Saturday came early for me … .the in-between of life with Jud and being reunited with Jud some day in heaven. Jud died yesterday … .feels like some of what Good Friday must’ve felt like to the family and close friends of Jesus. I’m not likening Jud to Jesus, nor cancer to Golgotha. But the death of any one isn’t taken lightly by God. If God notices when a small, common bird like a sparrow dies, how much more a person, made in God’s image? He made us for life … .forever life. So I weep and puzzle about what Saturday life’s going to be like … and for how long.
Well, today reminded me that life in-between those two truths doesn’t have to stink, at least not all the time. It’s not going to be the same, but it doesn’t have to be a daily reliving of Friday, does it? Today smacked a bit of Sunday to come. JOY burst through grandchildren running around, asking for cinnamon toast, cuddling. Kate (Poco), age 4, asked, “Since Popo’s dead, does that mean we don’t have to use hand sanitizer anymore?”
The NET … . You are such a sneak peek of Sunday-to-come. Such lavish love for our family … .meals, calls, visits, emails, cards, your responses on CaringBridge. Gordon College, the place we loved to call home for 35 years, continues to make us feel like family. Last night Michael and Rebecca came toting chicken pot pie and salad. A gift of food and love. Meredith came with soup, bread, cookies and peaches… .My book club sister. Laura sent me a photo of the Clarendon Street bell on campus … now draped in black with flowers at its base in honor of Jud. Learned of a special prayer gathering for our family. So very touching. All day your prayers have impacted this Saturday kind of day.
Jud and I never dreaded becoming “empty nesters.” I do dread ever becoming an “empty netter.” What a NET you have provided for me and our family. A touch of Sunday on Saturday.
We, the family, look forward to seeing you in January when we will have a memorial service for Jud. It’s on Martin Luther King weekend to help some of you with work and travel. Saturday, January 17, 2015 10:00 a.m. at A. J. Gordon Memorial Chapel Gordon College We hope you can come so we can say THANK YOU.
Thanksgiving and Christmas will be packed away. A New Year underway. A good time to stop and celebrate the life of one who loved Jesus and finished well. A good time to reflect on what’s possible for the rest of us with the gift of a New Year ahead.
I don’t want to get stuck on Friday … the despair, the hopelessness, the disappointment. Neither do I want to live in some strange place that denies Saturday and hides away from the world and its needs while I tip toe towards Sunday. Life goes on.
I’m not sure exactly how to do this. Tonight when Patty Hanlon sent me some photos of Jud …I ended up kissing the computer screen and crying on it. He looked so good. So real. Last night, Lily slept with me. I told her she reminded me of her Popo; he was a blanket hog, like she.
While Heather, Matt, and Kristina took the 5 grandchildren over to Iana and Matt’s house tonight, Chad stayed home to help me restore some order. He cleaned and picked up, and his style and good humor reminded me of his dad. I yelped about something and Chad showed the patience of Jud . . .not always Chad’s trait but, boy, did he ever come through with grace and strength. Got the bed out of the dining room yesterday. Put extra leaves in the table tonight. Kids’ friends are coming tomorrow. Jud would love that. We always had room at the table for the friends of our children. Marshall came with lunch yesterday. He and Chad became friends in high school. So God’s showing up in all kinds of unexpected ways to press some Sunday into Saturday.
Jud’s smiling. He can’t help himself. He’s probably fishing with his Dad. Maybe with Jesus who liked to hang out with fishermen. Not sure about the theology of this, but I love picturing Jud doing something he loved with the people he loved.
Time for bed. One Saturday’s almost history. One day closer to Sunday.
24 Comments
Jan, I just saw on Facebook that a Jud had passed. I thought it had to be the one of "Jud and Jan". Then Carolyn Wilkie told Sharon Bolthouse to check your CaringBridge site. I want to do that also. I will never, ever forget your beautiful stories of love and humor that you shared during URC's unstructured services at the Alumni Chapel at MSU. And all the inspiration I gleaned from the class you and Jud taught on "What is a Family?" I so wanted to grow up to be like you. God bless you, dear one. With many Saturdays of joy, surprises and great gifts of comfort and love from Jesus.
Much love and a bear hug, Marilyn (and Stephen) Herwaldt
So beautifully said!
Dear Jan:
I grieve with you and your family, but especially with you. You and Jud were such a sweet source of God's comfort to us during our hard journey. And I cannot thank you enough. Now I want to be a brother and friend to you and more--as you were to Denise and me.
I do not have the words to adequately tell you that our Lord and God has always loved you and is the source of comfort to the broken hearted. I know the "not yet" life we all must live in when we lose a beloved spouse--rejoicing on one hand that Jud is free at last and in the presence of his Savior and on the other bearing the profound tear in the tapestry of your lives together by his loss. One of the ways that Denise and I were comforted by the Lord was by singing hymns--and I continue to do so to this day. One of our favorites is "How Firm a Foundation". We would always weep for joy when we sang the third and last verses:
“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress."
“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”
I did not cease praying for you and Jud. Now that Jud is with the Lord, I will continue to pray for you and your family that the joy of the Lord would be your strength, even in the midst of your grief.
I will call you soon.
Love,
Oh Jan,
Dave andI have heard of Jud's passing. Todd's minister graduated from Gordon College so we have always talked about you guys while watching his son and Graham playing football.
Our love is sent your way. We have wonderful memories so our Michigan State days and having babies and great times with you both. Will call you soon. Sunday is tomorrow!!! Bev and Dave Groth
Dearest Jan,
We LOVE YOU !!!!! And we miss JUD a lot !!!!! Please receive a BIG LOOOONG HUG from us (Ray and Priscilla). Your journal, the childlike reflection from your heart - your FAITH and HOPE shine through so brightly and so magnificently even while your tears run on ..... Christ is powerfully alive in you in the midst of your deep sadness and disappointments. With eyes of FAITH, you can see Jud smiling, fishing with his dad, thoroughly enjoying God's Presence. And then suddenly, we noticed: in your deep sorrow, God's quiet PEACE and HOPE entered into your heart, soul, body and mind. Like the Hebrews, your eyes are full of tears and yet shinny with glitters of hope! You are right! Jud is not really dead - he is actually more ALIVE than all of us on this earth. He has passed from death unto LIFE, real life!!! And, even during this temporary nap, Jud must be praying for you right now, blessing you, and sending you zillions of hugs, kisses and encouragement. Jud loves you so much, and his love will never die. We are so blessed to have the two of YOU in our lives. Thank you for shining the beautiful ray of HOPE and sharing it with us! With all our love and deepest appreciation to the two of YOU, Raymond and Priscilla
Friend Jan, once again I hear your "Hungry Heart". Of all your shared writings, it is when you are in the greatest of struggles that you think to share with those who are or in will go through those tough days ahead. So many write with hindsight, but you my friend make sense of the fight, with a reminder to hang in there when life is at its hardest. I have never liked the days of testing, but you my friend, always finish so powerfully well. Thanks for sharing with me again.
Thank you, Jan, for sharing these thoughts. Steve and I just read them together. Our thoughts are with you on this day.
Beautiful sharing of your thoughts and feelings. Love and comfort to all. Ellie.
So amazing! Love what you write - encouraging, challenging, uplifting, sad, happy, real ... and always, always, glorifying to God! Thank you for sharing. We continue to pray with all our hearts for you and your whole family. Much love!
You've given us an example of how to do thismhard thing well. Even in times of loss you bless us.
jay and Barb
The in between. An uncomfortable place at times. Waiting for what Jesus has next.
we continue to pray for you and weep for you.
Beautiful! (Though it made me cry at work!)
Well...in a non-Easter kind of context, Saturday is often the day to get things done, so that you can spend Sunday with God and family... What would you like to "get done" with this time before you are reunited with God and family?
Perhaps you'll grab your NET and make a list of what you might want to accomplish - for Jud's legacy, for yourself, for your family or for the world? You have so many beautiful gifts! It may not feel like it today, but I know you won't be stuck on Friday.
And in Heaven we know there is no time, so he'll be waiting for you as if it was yesterday. The time belongs to you.
Keeping you in prayers!!!
Such grace and mercy!! Just read your post to Kamal and daughter, Erica..
Love,
Priscilla
Thank you dear sister for being a true big sister taking what comes with grace, His truth and tears and moving, how be it slowly :), forward. You have opened your heart and soul using your gift of words to honor God and help us all move toward Sunday-so typically you and what we all so love about you! My prayer is that this Great GOD of Comfort, Grace and Hope continually fill your heart and that of Heather, Matt. Chad, and Kristina"s with that HOPE- of Sunday coming and reuniting with loved ones. What a Sunday dinner that will be with lots of leaves in His table! I love you!
We weep with you, dear friend, and will move through our Saturdays pushing toward Sunday. But, we WILL look forward to spending one very special Saturday with you in January. Sending ALL our love and continued prayers for God's comfort, peace and rest to you and your precious family. dearest Jan.
Thank you, dear Jan ... I have been stuck on Friday, but you have helped me to embrace Saturday ... today. The BEST is yet to be .... Sunday IS coming! Big hugs from Bob and me and prayers that never cease ...
A beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing your heart and love for Jud. Prayers surround you and your sweet family.
Jan, our heartfelt prayers and sympathy are with you! I'm hearing so many remembrances of Jud as a wonderful friend, mentor, and colleague - from the BioLogos board and staff, and from people at the ETS conference this week like Dennis Hollinger. I only knew Jud a few years, but I'm so sad that it couldn't be much longer. He will also be my role model of a wise, faithful, caring (and savvy :-) Christian leader. We'll be walking with you through this saturday, looking toward sunday.
We are still constantly praying for you all. Constantly. I had a silly thought the other morning that perhaps the ocean levels were rising, not because of global warming, but because of tears. In that moment of emotion it seemed so logical. Oceans of sorrow. Thank you for your message last evening, and the hope it contains for getting through Saturday until we reach that Sunday morning. My dad spent the past 29 years of his life angry at God for for "taking" my mom away (long cancer battle as well) - Dad lived out his remaining life in an angry resentful Saturday. He refused to consider Jesus. I trusted that in his dying, he finally unclenched his fist and finally saw and opened his hands to that Hope. I tell you this because my dad was a great fisherman, and he will undoubtedly be showing Jud where the best fishing spots are.
Thank you, Jan, for telling your story so deeply interwoven with the story of Jesus. You and Jud lead the way for Darlene and me. We follow you with love and prayer.
Waking up this morning thinking of you and praying for you and your sweet family, most of whom we came to know (a teeny bit) and love in May. We are late comers to loving you and Jud and your family, but love you nevertheless. Thanks for the Saturday update of the beauty of life continuing in the Carlberg family even as you grieve the loss of your beloved one. Mark and I want to grow up and be like you and Jud! Hugs to all! Priscilla and Mark
Dear Aunt Jan. Thank you for all the updates. We are so sorry about Uncle Jud but we picture him fishing and it makes our hearts happy. Thank you and Jud for always loving us. Jud was a great man and Uncle. We love you both! Carey and Lori
Jan, thank you, dear friend, for all of this -- sharing your grief is a gift to us as we process ours. Let's live our Saturdays together in the JOY of the knowledge of Sunday. We love you, David and Suzy
Beautiful!