Keeping Vigil and Remembering Marriage 101. A Note from Jan. Jud's Journal Entry Thirty-five.

Wednesday November 19, 2014

We keep vigil by Jud’s bedside. Heather, Chad, Kristina and I. Matt and 3 grandchildren boarded a red eye flight from California to Boston tonight. They aren’t racing to catch their Popo, as chances are good he will be in heaven before they land in Boston. They could pass each other. We all just want to be together. T-shirt cuddle time.

Today, as word spread that Jud was doing the work of dying, a love parade began for those of us waiting and weeping. Martha, Paul, Lisa, Dan Stan, June, Dick, Greg Bill with Lillian’s scone Judy with Chicken Divan Megan with chili and gingerbread

So we did what  living folks do each day unless they are dying of hunger (too many) or something else God hates We ate. Feasted. Comforted by telling Jud stories. Singing. Praying. Drawing strength as his ebbed. All we like straws, sipping last dregs. Listening to Fernando Ortega, John Rutter’s Requiem. Soul music.

Holy Kaplan.

The prayer shawl covers Jud’s body. A body I’ve loved and been loved by Now, scarred, sick, a body laboring to move on, freeing his spirit to soar to something God thought up and we didn’t get a chance to mess up. “Eye has not seen what God has prepared for those who love him.” Jud loves.

Tonight I told our children how much Jud’s shown me what it means to be loved by God. They knew.  We didn’t start out that way. They knew that too. Real love, the God kind, not Hallmark, takes practice.

Jud learned quicker than I.

Marriage 101 True home schooling. Jud’s size 14 feet rescued our marriage more than once. Listening to his breathing, I remember our sweet curled up, in-sync breathing on good nights, most nights.

But there were times when irked, peeved, angry (insert your own word), misunderstood, I preferred scooting to the edge of our bed, rolling over and playing dead. Immature, silent for no good reason in the elementary school years of married life No in-sync breathing. No nothing. Until

Until Jud’s size 14 foot crossed the invisible line I’d drawn down the center of the bed tapped me once, twice, three times I   LOVE   YOU

Roll back from the edge, foolish girl That falling off place where nothing good happens a selfish place without a net

Dig in? Roll over! Life’s too short to wait it out on the edge

From my Baptist upbringing comes the old gospel song, “Roll away” Roll away, roll away, roll away Every burden of my heart roll away. I laugh at an image on some pull down screen in some church showing me rolling away. “Every sin has to go, neath the crimson flow.” True   Rescued by love without conditions Toe-tapping kind of love the kind that doesn’t have to be right or demand its rights just chooses to do right. Like Jud.