Seizing the Moment. . . And a Donut. A Note From Jan. Jud's Journal Entry Thirty-three.
Matt and I hurried out the door, eager to get to Jud and Heather at MGH. We made one stop. Jim’s Donuts in Glosta. “One fresh jelly donut for Jud and 2 small coffees, please.” (Jud’s no longer on restrictions.) After a very short debate, as in a fraction of a second, I added, “one plain cake with chocolate frosting, please.” Mine. (A four letter word) Some days you need comfort food. Like today.
It was well worth it watching Jud’s face light up when the donut and coffee showed up. A surprise! We ate and drank together. After awhile, I said, “This feels like communion. Jesus is with us here (where 2 or 3 are gathered together in His name) and we have food and drink … coffee and donuts.” Holy.
After Jud finished 2/3 of the donut I’d been feeding him, I asked, “Would you like to save the rest for later?” He said, “Later rarely comes. I’ll finish it now.” He’s right. Again. “Later rarely comes.”
As our days together shrink down, I am grateful for all we never postponed until “later.” Throughout our 51 years of marriage, Jud worked hard at teaching me by example to let go of perfectionism that can rob today of significant moments. Pushing me to enjoy or accomplish something NOW, instead of postponing until a more perfect time.
Chad, Heather, Matt and I clumped around Jud, savoring moments. (Kristina was working. . .supporting the rest of us!) A day spent laughing, Crying. Soaking up. Savoring. Life.
Somehow, we made it through this day Saying goodbye to Ashley, one of our angel nurses. Enjoying Nick’s Roast Beef sandwiches—thank you Kris and Mike Reid—with sauce. (Told you restrictions were off!) Praying with Patrick Gray who came prepared to anoint Jud with oil and serve communion to our small gathering. Moments to cherish with Kris, Mike, Heather, Patrick and Jud.
Listening, learning kind of day while Jud spoke to Dr. Chen about his decision. Not easy for doctors to see their best plans altered by unexpected outcomes. Deciding to do nothing more takes great faith in the God who formed us. Trusting that, with God, tomorrow will be better somehow, somewhere. Having faith that God loves us. Weeps in and for us.
Tonight Chad sleeps by his Dad. Tomorrow we await word on hospice care. After the prayer and communion time, Jud turned to all of us and said, “God bless you.” And blessing came. Enough to sleep on.
70 Comments
Prayers, hugs and prayers from Virginia. Love love Kim and Duane
Jud and Jan, your friends at BioLogos and the American Scientific Affiliation are caring for you and praying and hoping you feel our love. The Lord of our beautiful Universe is with you!
Weeping and praying...praying and weeping! Absolutely numb with sadness! Thank you, dearest Jan and Jud, for your caring and sharing...your giving and loving...your amazing faith and hope and courage...always a testimony of His presence in your lives. God bless you richly this second...this minute...this hour...this day...tomorrow...always and forever. We love you dearly, Lillian and Bill
Words are so feeble at a time like this... Like everyone’s, my heart is breaking as this unfolds - the wonderful thing is that you all are such a cloud of witnesses that Jud can run with perseverance the race that is set before him knowing that he is not alone...and, I hope you all can remember that you are not alone either. Indeed, God bless you, God bless all of you.
Weeping with and praying for all of you.
Prayers, hugs, tears and love from Kurt and I in Raleigh! Thinking of you all!
Tears and prayers in Manila!
Trusting in God's strong arms with you. ((Jud, Jan, Family)) - hugs to you. Lots of friends here praying even though they don't know you. Our love and continued intersession.
Jay & Barb
My thoughts and prayers are with you as they have been for many months. May God's grace surround you, hold you and give you comfort. What a privilege to read your post. Thank you for "including" us in this precious time. Your faith strengthens mine. You continue to lead by example. Peace
I have tried all day to write what is in my heart to you both ... and then I can't see the screen for all the tears. Please know that we love you so much and are praying. You are on holy ground and you have let us be there with you. God bless you. xoxo
From Indonesia I'm reading these postings deeply, deeply moved. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Paula's likewise praying from Los Angeles.
Ken and I join with this community who share the tears, the prayers, the love...we feel blessed to receive your words, the wisdom, the not so tiny miracles, the fullness of your presence to each other...Ken's favorite verse comes to mind: Jeremiah 29:11--13, For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end...Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you...And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart...Much Love from our corner...
Dear dear Jud and Jan, Heather and Chad - My heart aches and weeps with yours and there are no other words that come to mind for "comfort" - except perhaps to join with Jud in the most appropriate "God bless you." Please know that Kamal and I hold you all close in our hearts - with love and prayers. Priscilla Walker
May The Lord give you strength you do not have on your own and peace which passes all understanding. The words you share with us bring is all to the basics of life.... LOVE.... His Love and love for family and friends. You have that and are sharing that even in the midst of your firey trials. We LOVE you BOTH! Praying always.
Love, love, love!
So much poignant wisdom, Jan and Jud. Making sweet family memories to the last, a testimony of grace and faith which validates the words you have spoken to others over the years. How do we thank you for the rich meaning you are sharing out of this unwanted path of suffering? It is another of your gifts to us, a lasting one. Thank you from our hearts for all of our precious shared memories at dear old Gordon which now bring on tears of love, sorrow, joy, loss. Hugs from afar, j & t
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" And thank God for donuts and the small moments of joy we share with those we love. Continuing to pray "hard" and send love.
Life's little pleasures (like donuts and family moments) are cause for thanksgiving....
Praying for all of you that God will give you what you need to help Jud through this
For the many years I have known and loved you and Jud, you have never disappointed me or surprised me. Your honest answers and questions were always for the highest and best. Your lives have mirrored truth and wisdom, integrity and steadfastness, love and grace, an unusual combination. All your questions may not have answers but my prayer is for all the grace and love you have poured into so many to come to you and the family now in gentle warm breezes-whispers of His great love for your minds and comfort for your souls. I love you all.
From Indonesia I'm reading these postings deeply, deeply moved. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Paula's likewise praying from Los Angeles.
Ken and I join with this community who share the tears, the prayers, the love...we feel blessed to receive your words, the wisdom, the not so tiny miracles, the fullness of your presence to each other...Ken's favorite verse comes to mind: Jeremiah 29:11--13, For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end...Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you...And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart...Much Love from our corner...
Dear dear Jud and Jan, Heather and Chad - My heart aches and weeps with yours and there are no other words that come to mind for "comfort" - except perhaps to join with Jud in the most appropriate "God bless you." Please know that Kamal and I hold you all close in our hearts - with love and prayers. Priscilla Walker
May The Lord give you strength you do not have on your own and peace which passes all understanding. The words you share with us bring is all to the basics of life.... LOVE.... His Love and love for family and friends. You have that and are sharing that even in the midst of your firey trials. We LOVE you BOTH! Praying always.
Love, love, love!
So much poignant wisdom, Jan and Jud. Making sweet family memories to the last, a testimony of grace and faith which validates the words you have spoken to others over the years. How do we thank you for the rich meaning you are sharing out of this unwanted path of suffering? It is another of your gifts to us, a lasting one. Thank you from our hearts for all of our precious shared memories at dear old Gordon which now bring on tears of love, sorrow, joy, loss. Hugs from afar, j & t
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" And thank God for donuts and the small moments of joy we share with those we love. Continuing to pray "hard" and send love.
Life's little pleasures (like donuts and family moments) are cause for thanksgiving....
Praying for all of you that God will give you what you need to help Jud through this
For the many years I have known and loved you and Jud, you have never disappointed me or surprised me. Your honest answers and questions were always for the highest and best. Your lives have mirrored truth and wisdom, integrity and steadfastness, love and grace, an unusual combination. All your questions may not have answers but my prayer is for all the grace and love you have poured into so many to come to you and the family now in gentle warm breezes-whispers of His great love for your minds and comfort for your souls. I love you all.
Dear Jan and Jud,
As I read your posts - and the comments by so many people who are all a part of this place we call home, - both of you have indeed swept us into your family that is rooted in the everlasting arms of Jesus. So many precious memories of two people whose lives have touched us in this community and then a ripple effect to all parts of the world. I am so glad that you are doing what your mama said: sit tight and hug long (or something like that :-). With many prayers - Peggy
You are tremendous models for us all. But you always have been. I thank the Lord for so many years of friendship (69 with Jud!), despite being so far away most of the time. We and others in France are praying for you!
Love to you both,
David and Joyce
Thank you for the latest post, Jan. Please tell Jud that we have the utmost respect, gratitude, and love for him. You and he have always been such steadfast, wise supporters for everything Tom and I tried to do. You both knew - and made it clear - that all our efforts - Jud's, yours, Tom's and mine - were only for and through the Lord. We continue to pray for guidance, comfort, healing, and rest.
Savoring the moment is what a donut brings on - right? A great loving gift for Jud from a great loving wife. Now when I eat a donut, I'll do it in remembrance of you two :-)
Love to you both-
Precious Jan, and Jud ... and all who are at your sides ---
Deep peace of the running waves to you,
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you,
Deep peace of the shining stars to you,
Deep peace of the shades of night to you.
Moon and stars always giving light to you.
Faith
(... old Celtic prayer)
Love, prayers, tears, hugs...
We are learning so much from you about what this time in life means- that this is about living still, about savoring and thanking and praising and laughing and weeping and looking upward….seeing God's hands in everything, feeling His arms around you, and obediently walking forward. We are so grateful for you Carlbergs who model this journey for us, and invite us to walk with you. Thank you for the privilege to come alongside to pray. We love you both so much. Please know that we are praying, praying, praying…...
God bless you all! Praying continuously, Steve and Ruthie
Thank you for these updates Jan (and Martha). Still mentoring us. We struggled with what to say and saw what Wendy just wrote. We echo it completely. We love you both very much. xo
so.very.sad.
Praying with all my heart for each of you.
especially, from the depths of my heart as a wife, for you Jan... again, and again, trusting His love and care for you. So thankful for the holy moments. So thankful for the marriage and family He's blessed you with. So thankful for all the ways you both have blessed us. So thankful for all the people praying for you, and for the power in prayer that is real. Huge hugs to you both. Love you.
Dear Jan and Jud,
As I read your posts - and the comments by so many people who are all a part of this place we call home, - both of you have indeed swept us into your family that is rooted in the everlasting arms of Jesus. So many precious memories of two people whose lives have touched us in this community and then a ripple effect to all parts of the world. I am so glad that you are doing what your mama said: sit tight and hug long (or something like that :-). With many prayers - Peggy
You are tremendous models for us all. But you always have been. I thank the Lord for so many years of friendship (69 with Jud!), despite being so far away most of the time. We and others in France are praying for you!
Love to you both,
David and Joyce
Thank you for the latest post, Jan. Please tell Jud that we have the utmost respect, gratitude, and love for him. You and he have always been such steadfast, wise supporters for everything Tom and I tried to do. You both knew - and made it clear - that all our efforts - Jud's, yours, Tom's and mine - were only for and through the Lord. We continue to pray for guidance, comfort, healing, and rest.
Savoring the moment is what a donut brings on - right? A great loving gift for Jud from a great loving wife. Now when I eat a donut, I'll do it in remembrance of you two :-)
Love to you both-
Precious Jan, and Jud ... and all who are at your sides ---
Deep peace of the running waves to you,
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you,
Deep peace of the shining stars to you,
Deep peace of the shades of night to you.
Moon and stars always giving light to you.
Faith
(... old Celtic prayer)
Love, prayers, tears, hugs...
We are learning so much from you about what this time in life means- that this is about living still, about savoring and thanking and praising and laughing and weeping and looking upward….seeing God's hands in everything, feeling His arms around you, and obediently walking forward. We are so grateful for you Carlbergs who model this journey for us, and invite us to walk with you. Thank you for the privilege to come alongside to pray. We love you both so much. Please know that we are praying, praying, praying…...
God bless you all! Praying continuously, Steve and Ruthie
Thank you for these updates Jan (and Martha). Still mentoring us. We struggled with what to say and saw what Wendy just wrote. We echo it completely. We love you both very much. xo
so.very.sad.
Praying with all my heart for each of you.
especially, from the depths of my heart as a wife, for you Jan... again, and again, trusting His love and care for you. So thankful for the holy moments. So thankful for the marriage and family He's blessed you with. So thankful for all the ways you both have blessed us. So thankful for all the people praying for you, and for the power in prayer that is real. Huge hugs to you both. Love you.
Thank you God for donuts and these two precious people! Praying for you all! You are still blessing us even as you endure so much. Thankful for you both! Still gripping the net...xo
Please let Jud know how much he has - and you have - been teaching us all for so long. Even those who weren't as lucky as some to be in his class or work at his college. Trickle Down Wisdom is what I call it - you are both a fountain to us and our family and the wisdom trickles down to us and will for years and years to come. Much Love.
Thank you Jan for sharing the simple things which have such profound meaning (and love). Our simple love and prayers are with you every step (or mouthful) of this journey. Love to you all.
Hold on to the now, tomorrow will come on its own. My prayers are constant and for you. Love to you both.
I'm defending my dissertation today- it's in part about Julian of Norwich, whose claim that all shall be well is an eschatological one, grounded in her vision of Jesus. I'm holding you both in my heart with that truth today.
Always thought Jim's donuts moved us to the communion table...sweet thoughts dear friends in the midst of such trial...you both amaze me
Dear Jud and Jan - My love and prayers continue to surround you as I grieve with you and for you and indeed, "God bless you."
I knew my visit was more for me than for Jud, so I am thankful the Lord tolerated this bit of selfishness.
Love, Dale
You are always in our hearts and prayers.
Tears here. Loving God and you there. Shalom, my friend.
Thank you God for donuts and these two precious people! Praying for you all! You are still blessing us even as you endure so much. Thankful for you both! Still gripping the net...xo
Please let Jud know how much he has - and you have - been teaching us all for so long. Even those who weren't as lucky as some to be in his class or work at his college. Trickle Down Wisdom is what I call it - you are both a fountain to us and our family and the wisdom trickles down to us and will for years and years to come. Much Love.
Thank you Jan for sharing the simple things which have such profound meaning (and love). Our simple love and prayers are with you every step (or mouthful) of this journey. Love to you all.
Hold on to the now, tomorrow will come on its own. My prayers are constant and for you. Love to you both.
I'm defending my dissertation today- it's in part about Julian of Norwich, whose claim that all shall be well is an eschatological one, grounded in her vision of Jesus. I'm holding you both in my heart with that truth today.
Always thought Jim's donuts moved us to the communion table...sweet thoughts dear friends in the midst of such trial...you both amaze me
Dear Jud and Jan - My love and prayers continue to surround you as I grieve with you and for you and indeed, "God bless you."
I knew my visit was more for me than for Jud, so I am thankful the Lord tolerated this bit of selfishness.
Love, Dale
You are always in our hearts and prayers.
Tears here. Loving God and you there. Shalom, my friend.